The Ravine Page 18

  “Sometimes I start to feel a little bit better, and even start to believe everything is okay and that Rachel and Evan are in heaven, but then I think about Christopher and what he went through, and how devious Danny was and how selfish. It’s like this merry-go-round that I’m on and I can’t get off of it. I can’t stop thinking about it.

  “And the support group means well, but actually, well, they’re mainly a bunch of women who have had awful things happen, like their kids dying, or husbands who walked out on them, or abusive husbands, and I leave there more depressed than when I walked in . . .”

  Mitch looked at her and felt completely helpless and frustrated. He didn’t know what to do but it was obvious that he couldn’t just ignore things and hope for the situation to improve by itself.

  “I really think you should see someone about this, Carolyn, and soon.”

  “What good would that do? No shrink is going to bring them back or make this pain go away. This isn’t like the Dr. Phil show, where you just get fixed like magic!” She looked at Mitch and his heart sank because he knew she was right, but he was scared, so he insisted and finally she agreed to get some counseling.

  Their family doctor recommended she see the psychiatrist who was affiliated with the group, and the following week she had her first session. He was a thoughtful man, who listened carefully to her story, nodded sagely, responded with an occasional hmm . . . , and constantly jotted down notes. At the end of the session, he set up another appointment and sent her off with prescriptions for a cocktail of antidepressants, sleeping pills, and anti-anxiety medications. Carolyn filled the prescriptions and, when she arrived home, lined up the bottles in a neat row in front of her on the kitchen table. It looked as if she was starting a small pharmacy of her own.

  If Mitch thought Carolyn was leading a double life by sinking deeper into depression while putting on a happy face for everyone in the world but him, he would have been astonished had he been able to step back and honestly see the insidious influence the murders were having on him. But that was hardly possible, because the darkness was creeping into his life in imperceptible increments, unbeknownst to him, in much the same way it had crept into Danny’s life. They say you are only as sick as your secrets, so clearly Mitch was sinking fast, because his secrets were multiplying at warp speed and were hell-bent on leading him to destruction.

  First the door was nudged open just a crack—just enough to reach him right where he was most vulnerable. That voice in his head started to tell him it wasn’t fair that he was being put in this position. After all, he was a man who had achieved a great deal from humble beginnings, and now he had to worry that his partner in life might be going off the deep end. Other men didn’t have to put up with such things and, frankly, he deserved a better life than he had at the moment. His marriage was feeling less like a marriage every day; he shouldn’t have to wait forever for Carolyn to get back to her old self. As it so happened, recently someone had come into his life who appreciated him, admired him for his success, and was cheerful and fun-loving. He didn’t mention it to anyone, but she began popping into his mind more and more often.

  Mitch couldn’t deny his attraction to Jennifer Brueuer, the young vice president of marketing for the Superfood Supermart. To a man, the guys were gaga over the clever, slender blonde with the dry British wit and fashionable outfits. They would all smile slyly to one another and yuck it up like schoolboys whenever Jennifer walked out of the room, though she was way ahead of them and accustomed to that sort of reaction from the boys. Mitch imagined she had a special fondness for him. Whether she did, or whether she was playing him—getting her way when it came to important design decisions or other areas where Mitch would normally assert his authority—it didn’t matter. He felt powerful when Jennifer would clap with glee and peck him on the cheek when the big man caved in to one of her requests.

  So it wasn’t surprising that, increasingly, he enthusiastically anticipated his West Coast trips. It was all harmless, after all, and he deserved a break from the cloud that had descended over his home in Chesterland. At one point, for an instant, it dawned on him that he was thinking the same sorts of things Danny had mentioned that day they built the deck—that stuff about just pointing your car in some new direction and driving off to a new life. But he quickly dismissed that thought for the nonsense it was.

  Lately, he felt that if he and Carolyn weren’t talking about the kids or the bills or some upcoming social obligation, they didn’t really have much to say. Then somehow things would come back to the events in Akron. The concept of the two of them just having fun seemed totally alien. Even his father-in-law noticed something was wrong.

  “When’s the last time you two went out on a date, just the two of you?” he asked Mitch, as he and the boys took their seats at Cleveland Stadium on opening day of the baseball season.

  “Not since before all that stuff went down last fall,” Mitch replied. “I suggested it a few times, but I almost have the feeling that we wouldn’t have anything to talk about except for doom and gloom. She just hasn’t been the same since then.”

  “You think I can’t see that?”

  “I didn’t know it was that obvious. Carolyn’s pretty good at hiding her feelings.”

  “And what about you, Mitch? Are things okay with you?”

  “Sure,” he lied. What could he say? Had he answered truthfully, he would have said, “Now that you ask, Pops, there’s this little matter of a very hot Brit that I’m getting to know pretty well, who makes me feel like a man again, and we’re always at the same hotel and I don’t know where this is going to lead, but I see trouble brewing. But, hell, it’s not my fault because it’s all harmless, and I deserve a little female attention.”

  Instead, he switched to the safe subject of sports. “Who’d they say is starting for the Indians today, Pops?”

  And then there was the other obsession he hadn’t mentioned to anyone besides Devito, the private investigator he had hired to track down Logan Vonda. He was convinced the conniving creep had had a lot more to do with the crime than had been revealed. This ate at him like a burr under his cap, for months, but in April, he was truly astounded, insulted, and incensed when the inquest was held and it was concluded that Danny had acted alone. No charges would be brought against Vonda. Mitch was furious, but Carolyn didn’t care to discuss it.

  “It doesn’t matter, Mitch. It’s over with, and whether that guy helped him or not, Danny did it. Let it go!”

  But he wasn’t so easily dissuaded. The same Tooterville police officials who had allowed hordes of people to stomp all over the crime scene had also convinced themselves they had solved the case within twenty-four hours. It was over and done with, as far as they were concerned. Apparently they felt it was totally logical for someone to relinquish his phone, wait around in a car, and even take a nap after his friend announced he was going to murder his wife and then disappeared into the house to do just that. The picture the cops painted was of someone who’d simply been at the wrong place at the wrong time. A poor, innocent sap. A hapless fool. How could anyone have expected him to walk next door to a neighbor and report that a crime might be taking place? Let sleeping dogs lie.

  Well, Mitch didn’t think that way. His experience had taught him that when the pieces didn’t fit into place there was always a reason. His staff hated it when he said, “If you are not 100 percent certain, then you are 100 percent wrong! I don’t want excuses. Solve the problem. Period. End of story.” Unbeknownst to Mitch, one of the junior architects did a spot-on imitation of him giving that particular lecture, right down to the flourish he would brandish when sending the underling on his way at conclusion of his tongue lashing.

  But the Logan Vonda mystery wasn’t so easily explained. So Mitch decided that he should have a chat with him—except he had apparently departed from the suburbs of Akron and disappeared. Mitch was determined to find him and so had written a few hefty checks to the private investigator in order to track h
im down, but thus far, he hadn’t had any luck. Then one day his cell phone rang and things started to fall into place, along with an amazing stroke of luck.

  “Hi, Mitch, this is Devito, Charlie Devito. I think I have something for you.” The burly detective had spent a few decades with the Cleveland PD and then left under suspicious circumstances. However, the guy came highly recommended and was known as an absolute bloodhound, even though he was admittedly a bit rough around the edges.

  “Great! What is it?”

  “This Vonda scum has a rap sheet as long as my grandpa’s nuts, so I figgered it was only a matter of time before this jerk got hisself nailed for doing something stupid, and sure enough he did.”

  Mitch tried to contain his excitement. “What did he do this time? Where is he?”

  “Well, he got pinched for trying to scam some old biddy out of a few thousand bucks by telling her he was a friend of her grandson’s and that he needed the money to bail the kid out of prison. Wooda got away with it if the bank teller didn’t smell something fishy and start asking questions and then Vonda bolted.”

  “And did they catch him?” Mitch could smell his prey.

  “Yeah, he went back to his girlfriend’s apartment and they tracked him down a few days later. The guy’s not too bright, ya know.”

  “No, apparently not,” said Mitch. “Anyway, where is he?”

  “It seems he got out on bail, but he’s not allowed to leave the state.”

  “And which state is that?”

  Then Mitch got his nice surprise. “Oregon. The guy was last seen in Portland—”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me! I’m going there in a week! Where does he live?”

  Devito hesitated, and then caved. “By law, I’m not supposed to give you his address. But what the hell, you’re payin’ for it. Just keep your mouth shut, ya hear?”

  “You got it.” And with that Mitch found out exactly where to find Logan Vonda. Now the question was whether or not the guy would be willing and able to answer some of the questions that had been nagging at Mitch for so long. He wanted to look this petty thief in the eye and finally learn the truth, and if he was guilty, he was going to do something about it.

  Naturally he didn’t breathe a word to Carolyn about having tracked down Vonda. The fact that he had a trip planned to Portland gave him the cover he needed. If he found out anything useful, he’d just say he happened to run into Vonda; if not, he’d never have to mention it to her.

  He drove directly from the airport to the address where he expected to find Vonda. Now that he was just a few miles away, it dawned on Mitch that he didn’t actually know what he was going to say to the guy, or what he hoped to accomplish. It was also possible that Vonda would refuse to speak with him, and would tell him to get lost.

  By the time he reached the second floor landing of the ratty walk-up Vonda lived in, he was starting to doubt the wisdom of his plan. Feeling his heart beat faster, it became very apparent to him that this whole thing could go terribly wrong. But he had come this far, and he couldn’t back out now.

  Standing outside the door, he heard a man and a woman loudly hurling insults at each other inside the apartment. When he knocked on the door, everything suddenly went silent and someone turned off the television. Mitch presumed that when a guy like Vonda received an unexpected visitor, it usually wasn’t good news. In response to the silence, he knocked again, and then said, “I’m looking for Logan Vonda. Is he home?”

  After a few seconds of silence, a female voice spoke from behind the door. “Who’s there?”

  “Does Logan Vonda live here?”

  “Who wants to know?”

  “Listen, my name is Mitch Bianci, and I’m looking for Logan Vonda. Is he there? I was a friend of Danny Turner’s.”

  He heard the two of them whisper conspiratorially, and then the door pulled back a few inches and two eyes peeked out at Mitch. “What do you want? I know who you are. I got nothin’ to say to you. Leave me alone.”

  “Listen, Logan, I only want to talk with you to get a better idea what Danny did that night. I know you weren’t to blame. How about we go across the street for a cup of coffee?”

  The door opened a little wider and Vonda stuck out his head. He was obviously frightened and obviously high. “I got nothin’ more to say. I said it all to the cops.”

  “Just come out for a minute. I’m not looking for trouble; I just want to settle some things in my mind, and I’ll pay you for information.” With that the door chain came undone, and Vonda stepped out onto the landing and lit up a cigarette.

  “Okay, whaddya want to know?”

  Now that he had the long-awaited object of his manhunt in front of him, Mitch realized he had been obsessing over a poor, pathetic wreck of a kid, chasing him all the way across the country, and he was probably nothing more than the cops had figured. A dupe. But Mitch had him in his sights, so he pressed on.

  “Why do you think Danny asked you to come to his house that night?”

  Vonda was obviously nervous; he repeatedly took off his baseball cap, ran his fingers through his unkempt hair, and put the cap back on. He had told this story many times, yet he was acting like someone who was afraid he was going to slip and say the wrong thing.

  “Didn’t you hear what I told the cops?”

  “I did, but I wanted to hear it from you, because, well, you know the whole thing seems sort of crazy, and Danny was my good friend. I’m just trying to figure out what set him off.” Mitch was still suspicious of Vonda, but he had just identified exactly what was driving him. It was that unknowable “why” question.

  “I don’t know for sure. I only know what he told me, and that was just some made-up stuff, but it’s probably just like the cops said. He wanted to make it look like I did it, and then he was gonna use that shotgun on me after he killed Rachel, and say it was self-defense, or make it look like he was trying to save his wife and had to kill me.”

  “But you must have gone into the house at some point, didn’t you?”

  “No way. No, man, I didn’t! After Danny said he was gonna kill her and then went back inside, I wasn’t gonna set foot in there. And before that, I was just supposed to be outside trying to make it look like a break-in.”

  “Okay, but I don’t get how you could have just gone to sleep after he said something like that, even if you thought he didn’t mean it. How do you sleep through all the screaming and yelling that must have been going on?”

  “You want to know the truth?” Vonda looked defeated and a bit embarrassed.

  “Yeah,” Mitch said. “That’s exactly what I want.”

  “I had a few Oxys I’d been saving because I thought I would be going home, and I wanted to pop them there. When Danny went back in the last time, I swallowed them and nodded off.”

  Of course, Mitch thought, that makes perfect sense. It probably is the truth. How obvious.

  However, there was one other issue that gnawed at Mitch.

  “Just one last question, Logan. After he told you he was going to kill Rachel, why didn’t you do anything, like go to a neighbor’s house and call the cops? You might have been able to save their lives.”

  “Don’t you think I wish I did? Don’t you think I’ve thought about that a million times? Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it and wish I’d done something different.” Mitch obviously had struck a nerve, and Logan looked away and wiped his eyes.

  “Hey, I’m sorry, Logan. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I was only—”

  “Danny was my friend, too, ya know!” His face had gone totally flush and a vein popped on his forehead. “I saw him almost every day for eight years, and we had lotsa good times. Everybody liked him down at Steve’s and he was always pretty cool with me, even though he was my boss.”

  He threw down his cigarette butt and stomped on it. “So, why didn’t I run to the neighbor’s house and start banging on doors? I don’t know! I guess the only answer is that I was scared, and so I c
opped out and told myself he wouldn’t really do anything to Rachel.”

  That’s the simple truth, Mitch thought. Now that he was looking Logan in the eye and could see him for who he was, he felt a bit guilty for browbeating the guy. He was simply a scared kid caught up in the drug world who was just another victim in this whole sordid series of events.

  Mitch had learned a few more details, but really nothing more than what he already knew: Danny did what he did, for whatever selfish motives, and followed through on an incredibly stupid and deadly plan. There would never be a plausible explanation for his behavior.

  Mitch thanked Logan and offered him a twenty-dollar bill. “Not necessary,” Logan muttered. Mitch shook his hand, and then headed to the Pearl district of downtown Portland to the work site, where he was scheduled to meet with his team and the lovely Jennifer. He felt like a fool for wasting all this time, money, and anger on someone who was just another fellow traveler, and a much less fortunate one at that. There was something about recognizing the common thread of humanity in Logan Vonda that made him feel ashamed of himself, and he started to awaken to how far off the beam he had gone.

  And then there was that other matter. How silly he had been to engage in even a mild flirtation, when he had an amazing wife like Carolyn at home who loved him and desperately needed him.

  He drove a mile or so and then could not go on. Pulling over to the side of the road, he cut the engine. For the first time since all this horror and tragedy had started, he allowed himself a good cry. And then he surrendered and babbled out a prayer of his own making.

  “Oh, God, I’m so sorry and I don’t know what to do, so I’m giving this one up to you. I don’t know how I’ve gotten so far away from you over these last months, but I know I’ve been lying to myself about a lot of things. All I’ve done is get more and more miserable, letting myself get eaten up by anger—at Danny, Vonda, the cops—and wanting somebody to be punished for this. I know, Lord, that I’ve been so selfish and self-righteous that I haven’t been able to see what I’ve been doing. How one lie builds on the next, and how secrets like the ones I’ve been keeping are leading me to a very dark place. I want to see the light again, Lord. Help me to be the sort of spouse that I want Carolyn to be and I know she is. I know she needs me now, Lord, and I pray that you will lead me so that I can help her, and help us all to start healing, so we can be happy again. Amen.”