The Ravine Page 16

  “This is a tragedy beyond our comprehension, and it is of course compounded by the fact that the person who committed the crime was their husband and father.

  “We have no idea why this happened, and can offer no explanation, and know nothing more than what has already been reported in the media. So we ask that you please respect the privacy of the family, and that everyone pray for Rachel and Evan and for all their remaining family members.

  “We have no further comments at this time. Thank you.”

  The assembled reporters collectively began to shout questions, and then the picture cut back to the anchorman, who recounted the details of the crime and showed the photos of Danny, Rachel, and Evan that were being bandied about in the media. The broadcast then cut to a few special reports at various locations. Mitch and Carolyn sat watching numbly until the report regarding Danny’s suicide came on, and then they were physically taken aback.

  An attractive blonde woman, bundled in a winter coat, was speaking into the camera, while a hubbub of police activity took place in the distance behind her.

  “Hello,” she said, “this is Jennifer Wilson reporting for Channel Five Nightly News. I am standing at the edge of Nicholson’s Quarry, which is the location where the final act of the Turner family tragedy took place Wednesday morning at approximately 7:30 a.m. It was here that Danny Turner, the husband and father of the murder victims, took his life in a very spectacular and gruesome manner. This next segment may not be suitable for young viewers, so we suggest that you take that into consideration.”

  The image on the screen cut to a close-up of what appeared to be a gravel road that came to an abrupt end at the edge of a cliff. The massive twin boulders that teetered on the precipice created a corridor that looked to be about twelve feet wide. The opening didn’t appear menacing at all until the camera panned down into the watery ravine that was perhaps one hundred feet below. One clip showed the police engaged in attempting to remove Danny’s Escalade, a car in which Mitch and Carolyn had been passengers countless times. The next shot scanned across the terrain, where there appeared to be a body covered by a white sheet.

  At that moment the announcer said, “Though the final report has not yet been released by the medical examiner, the police did confirm that the cause of death was a gunshot wound to the head.” It was then that Mitch and Carolyn turned away and each began to sob. Suddenly, Danny’s humanity was front and center, and regardless of what he might have done, he was still their longtime friend, and their anger turned to grief, which only increased their complex of emotions and confusion.

  “Turn it off, Mitch. I can’t watch this anymore.”

  Because the funeral service was taking place the next morning, Carolyn had no choice but to write Rachel’s eulogy before she went to bed, despite the fact she was bone-tired. Mitch took a notepad out of his briefcase, and they began to discuss what she would say.

  Carolyn had found Rachel’s diary at the house, and she was thumbing through it for inspiration, when suddenly she cried out, “Oh, no! I can’t believe she said that!”

  “What? What did she say?” Mitch grabbed the book from her, and saw the words that had sent Carolyn into a tizzy.

  “Carolyn did a lot of great things for me, but the best thing she ever did was to introduce me to Danny!”

  “Mitch, that’s the truth! If I had never introduced her to Danny, Rachel would still be alive! In a way, it’s all my fault.” She pounded her fist on the table in front of her.

  “That’s ridiculous, Carolyn! She and Danny fell in love with each other, and they had a great life together for a long, long time. What Danny did is on Danny, and nobody else.”

  “Well, that may be logical, but seeing it in black and white, in Rachel’s handwriting, is just too much. I wish I hadn’t seen it, but I was thinking it all day.”

  “They loved each other, and they made two beautiful children, honey. We’ll probably never know why this happened, but we do know that what happened was outside of our control. You can’t blame yourself; that’s just crazy. Don’t let that diary bother you.”

  “That’s easy for you to say, Mitch. You don’t have to live with this.”

  “Honey, let’s just try to calm down. This day has been all too much, and we have to try to keep our heads on straight. Besides, we have to start writing this, now, so we need to get started.”

  Carolyn didn’t finish until almost three in the morning, by which time Mitch was stretched out on the bed sound asleep. Carolyn’s head began to dip as she started to nod off over her writing, but she insisted to herself that she needed to make just one more improvement.

  “Go to bed, girlfriend. I think it’s perfect!” She lifted her head expecting to see Rachel standing there. Her voice was so clear and vibrant, and so alive. Of course, Rachel wasn’t there; however, Carolyn followed her friend’s advice and went to bed.

  She was asleep within seconds of shutting off the light.

  CHAPTER 13

  Courage and Wisdom

  If in Christ we have hope in this life only,

  We are of all people most to be pitied.

  —1 Corinthians 15:19

  IT HAD BEEN prescient of Mitch to arrange for a 7:30 wake-up call, because they were both sound asleep when the phone rang. They called for room service and hurriedly prepared for the day ahead while the Today show blared in the background. Carolyn changed the channel the instant Katie Couric began to introduce the segment about “the terrible double homicide in the Akron area.” Both she and Mitch were starting to loathe the way the media was milking the tragedy that was so real and personal to them. Fortunately, Reverend Kirkpatrick and the police department had promised to prohibit any television cameras inside the church, but there would doubtless be a crush outside, and there was no way to keep the reporters out of the building.

  Carolyn asked Mitch to read the eulogy she’d finished writing after he had fallen asleep, and he did so over breakfast.

  “I think it’s beautiful, honey. It’s straight from your heart, and I think the way you end it will reach everyone. I know Rachel will be remembered for how generous and loving she was, and you know that firsthand, so it’s truthful and honest, as it should be.”

  “Well, I just pray I can get all the way through it. I still don’t feel as if any of this is real, but I know today is going to make it seem final.”

  “Just take your time, and take a deep breath whenever you need to. People will understand that this is a very hard thing to do, but you can do it. I know you can. You just have to hand this over to God, and have faith that it will be fine.”

  Mitch continued to be concerned about Carolyn, but he was hopeful that after the funeral, when they returned home later that day, they would at least get back into the rhythm of things. He hoped that she would be able to move on, but he feared he was deluding himself.

  Rachel had been a daily part of Carolyn’s life since they had met back in high school. They wouldn’t make a move without consulting each other, whether about little things, such as which color curtains to buy, or more serious matters. It wasn’t the same for Mitch and Danny, not by a long shot. Carolyn had been as close to Rachel as she was to anyone in her life, barring her immediate family. Rachel could always be counted on to get Carolyn out of a funk, or to help her stop fretting about whatever was plaguing her. They would calm each other down when one of them would conjure up the sort of frightening scenario mothers create in the middle of the night. Minutes after picking up the phone, Rachel would have Carolyn laughing at herself, or she’d share some ridiculous story or juicy gossip and, before Mitch knew it, all her concerns would fade away.

  Mitch’s heart was broken as well over this tragedy, but his defense mechanism allowed him to compartmentalize things. He was mainly dumbfounded by Danny’s actions and, frankly, furious at him. It turned out there had been a pretty hefty insurance policy on Rachel, so his motive might have been money. But if money was the problem, why couldn’t Danny just swall
ow his pride and ask for help? It was a sort of open secret that Rachel had caught him cheating on her a few years back, and every once in a while Rachel would make some oblique reference to it, but they seemed to have weathered that storm.

  He wouldn’t rest until he found out what had caused Danny to do what he did. No matter how many times he played it over in his head, there were still just too many unanswered questions, beginning with why he did it, why he thought he could get away with such an idiotic idea, what Logan had to do with it, and how he possibly could have murdered his own son and abandoned his eight-year-old son to deal with the devastation he had wrought. And, hanging over all these questions, was the one that was so loathsome that he couldn’t allow himself to go there—the manner of death. The sheer carnage.

  There was no doubt that everyone attending the service, as well as the community at large, was vexed by the same unanswerable questions. An unspoken fear lurked just below the surface: if such horrible things could happen to an apparently happy, suburban family, then could they happen to our family? Wives looked at their husbands a little askance, and, within the privacy of their own four walls, parents reassured their children that they were safe.

  Mitch and Carolyn were running late when they got their car out of the garage to go to the service; they then got stuck in traffic and made a wrong turn. So the church was already brimming with people when they arrived. Most of the seats were taken, and the side aisles were in the process of filling up. As soon as they entered, however, they saw Maryann waving to them to join her in the first pew with the family members. Christopher was sitting between Maryann and Danny’s brother, Tony; Tony’s wife, Emily; and his parents.

  “I was starting to get worried about you guys,” she said as she sat back down.

  Mitch answered, perhaps a little defensively, “We’re really sorry, but it seemed as if everyone was out on the street driving five miles an hour, and then we got lost. Crazy for a Monday morn—”

  “It doesn’t matter. You made it, and that’s all that counts.”

  Mitch and Carolyn nodded a silent hello to the Turner family and Mitch reached over to shake hands with his old friend Tony. They weren’t so far removed from the days when a game of hoops and a few beers were all they needed for a great night. They gripped each other’s hands for an extra-long time. Their mutual expressions seemed to say, “How did everything go so wrong so fast?” Steve and Debby Turner wore the expression of parents who were thoroughly shattered. They appeared perplexed and worn out, with Debby experiencing a depth of grief that could only be reserved for a mother and grandmother. She would not allow herself to escape the conviction that she was somehow responsible for this tragedy.

  Christopher edged past Maryann so he could hug Mitch and Carolyn. Danny and Rachel had always insisted the Bianci boys call them by their first names, and so the Turner boys in turn called Mitch and Carolyn by their first names. Christopher tried to offer some encouragement.

  “Carolyn, don’t look so sad. One day we’ll see Mom and Dad in heaven and it will be just like it used to be.”

  Carolyn noticed that his dark blue suit was a bit too large for him, probably because Maryann had had to find something quickly off the rack that couldn’t be altered in time. His red tie was also a bit too long, probably borrowed from his uncle. He was a little boy, dressed like a man, having to do something no one should ever experience. Christopher didn’t dare tell anyone, but he too suspected he had done something to cause his dad to do what he did.

  “Oh, Chris,” Carolyn said as she pulled him onto her lap. She kept repeating his name and hugging him, before handing him over to Mitch, who pretty much did the same. There are times when there just aren’t any words that can, or need to, be said, and this was certainly one of those moments. Chris looked over Mitch’s shoulder and noticed Evan’s little league teammates, decked out in their jerseys. He waved to them and then returned to his seat, because it was obvious the service was about to begin.

  The scene before the altar was gut-wrenching: two caskets, one a matte white with golden handles adorned with a spray of pink roses and baby’s breath. The other was light blue, and covered with a baseball jersey that simply read “Evan.” That box looked tiny by comparison. For some reason, Carolyn was reminded of a duckling trailing its mother. All eyes in the church were trained on this simple setting. Over to one side, there were slides of the Turner family, enjoying the beach, Christmas season, birthday parties, baseball games, and other benchmarks of family life. The slides changed every few seconds, and repeated numerous times while everyone sat and whispered to one another or stared at the screen, lost in their thoughts. Included was the high school photo of Rachel kissing a smiling Carolyn.

  Finally Reverend Kirkpatrick approached the pulpit. The screen discreetly went dark and the incidental organ music gave way to the staccato notes that introduced Schubert’s “Ave Maria.” The singer, an attractive young woman whose face was framed by long, wavy dark hair, gently placed her fingers on the shoulder of the pianist in an apparent attempt to steady herself, and together they performed the simple yet beautiful paean to the mother of Jesus and all mothers.

  As the last note resolved into silence, Kirkpatrick stepped forward. He had spent the previous few days wrestling with just how to officiate at this service. Funeral services were a regular and important role of the clergy, and he’d performed more than he could remember, but the circumstances of this occasion were without precedent in his experience. He knew the Turner family only fleetingly, and so he would have to rely on others to a great degree. That was not uncommon. Even some longtime parishioners only spoke with him directly in any meaningful way when they had to bury a loved one. He had long since gotten over the feeling of duplicity in not knowing the people he was shepherding into the next world. It was no secret that the ceremony was for the comfort of the living as well as the benefit of the souls of those who had died, not to mention the positive impact on his ever-challenging budget.

  But of course today was different, and so the usual bromides he had learned in theology school, which were perfectly suitable for people who had passed on of natural causes, or even young people who were taken suddenly, would not suffice. These deaths fell into a whole other category that he had never had to contemplate before.

  Kirkpatrick had been in favor of including the father, but emotions were raw and he had been rebuffed, so he had made arrangements with Danny’s parents and brother for a separate service. It would have taken great courage to broach this topic at the service, and some would doubtless have seen it as inappropriate or at least in bad taste, so he’d accepted that Danny would not even be mentioned. However, the pastor was deeply conflicted and had been praying all morning for guidance.

  After reciting the twenty-third psalm, and reflecting a bit on how it was the role of all of those assembled to aid the departed with their prayers, and to support the family members with their actions during this difficult time, he concluded with these words from John 1:1: “The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you.” The words rang hollow as they left his mouth.

  Carolyn was stung by the inadequacy of this sentiment as well, because it spoke to the very heart of the question she could not answer. Why hadn’t God protected Rachel and Evan? This stuff about God never giving people more than they could handle was refuted every day by all the misery in the world. If He got the credit for all the wonderful things in the world, why wasn’t He also responsible for all the suffering? She awoke as if from a trance when she heard someone calling her name and realized the pastor was motioning for her to step up to the altar.

  Mitch squeezed her hand and helped her rise. For an instant, she felt like she was walking in quicksand and wouldn’t be able to make it up the stairs. Then she turned and found herself standing in front of the microphone, looking out upon a sea of mournful faces. Though she knew Rachel’s body lay before her, her essence was by her side.

  “One of the r
easons we are here today,” she began “is to honor and celebrate Rachel for the lady she was, what she stood for, the legacy she left, and the hope that we all should share because we were blessed to know her, albeit not for long enough. Mother Teresa once said, ‘We cannot do great things on this earth, only small things with great love.’ To me these words personify who Rachel was as a mother, wife, sister, and friend.

  “My name is Carolyn Bianci, and I am privileged to say that Rachel was my best friend since ninth grade. I’ll never forget how she was one of the first people to reach out to me and offer her friendship at the new school I was attending. We made an immediate connection and developed a bond that continued to grow over the past twenty-six years. I knew that in Rachel, I had a friend for life. We shared a lot of our lives together because she was so willing to invest her time and heart into her friends. I love her and miss her dearly.

  “I have always had a great sense of admiration for Rachel because she had a few more obstacles placed in front of her at an early age than most people do. But as you all know, Rachel was never the type to settle. She always demanded more of herself and always wanted the best for her family and her friends. In addition to raising her two wonderful boys, Evan and Christopher, of whom she was so proud, she opened her home to Maryann without hesitation because of her love of family and her enormous heart for others. Just yesterday, Maryann shared with us that she wouldn’t be the woman she is today if it hadn’t been for Rachel’s involvement in her life.”

  Carolyn looked up for a moment to connect with Maryann. She had her arm around Christopher and his head rested on her shoulder. He looked at Carolyn with an expression of trust, hope, and expectation. After their eyes connected, Carolyn paused, took a deep breath, and continued.

  “Rachel had such a beautiful spirit and a unique ability to always focus on the positive instead of the negative. Rachel always looked for the good in everything and in everyone and accepted others unconditionally. As a result of this, she was truly rich in the sense that she had experienced real gratitude in her life.